Just for fun I offer the following haiku:
Errant Spectacles
Where are my glasses?
Ran away with shoes and keys!
They come. They go. Damn.
All posts in June 2017
Who Am I? Who Are You?
Speaking of magic, reader, I’d like to make an observation about yesterday’s ruminations. You had a craving. Maybe you even had a plan, a set of carefully laid-out intentions. Somehow you were thwarted. Keep in mind that without Ron’s broken wand, Gilderoy Lockhart’s memory charm would have succeeded. Sometimes a taped-up, misfiring wand is exactly what you need. Sometimes the luckiest thing that can happen is that moment when you break your wand. Some plans should backfire.
You can’t always recognize the plans that should go awry. The U.S. divorce rate pretty much proves that. But being lucky enough to be able to say good riddance to the handsome one who rode away — that may be one of those days when your wand blasted you by mistake in just the right way at just the right time.
Reality is far too damn complicated. But one saving grace to that fact lies in broken wands and furry-tailed water goblets. Did your spell go wrong? Or were you simply meant to have a furry-tailed water goblet?
Embrace the furry goblet if that’s what you get. Set it free or change it back if you must, but don’t waste energy over the goblet you never had. Make a paradigm shift instead, and decide the best goblets have tails.
Who decides all this weird stuff anyway? Who puts value on Bruno Mars, sushi and sequels of movies created from Disney rides? You do.
That gives you enormous power to shape the universe to your liking if you can just avoid being whiny.
Zombie phrase for the day:
I am glad to be done with dental floss.
Ahhhmmm gahhhdd duhdee dunnd ihd duhhlll loahth.
Waiting for the Ford Anglia and House Elf
Lessons from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:
1) Don’t give up. A Ford Anglia can fly up to your window at any time. Or you can pretend a Ford Anglia has flown up to your window. In fact, you don’t even need the Ford Anglia. First floor window? If you are in good shape, try carefully exiting through a window today instead of the door.
(Or decide to be sensible and save the window entrances and exits for heroic firefighters. This blog is about resting, after all, not falling out of windows. The point here is that we often have more options than we believe.)
2) Your Dobby could arrive at any moment. How do you know he won’t? You have never seen a house elf before? Well, neither had Harry. Has it been a long, dry spell? Too many muggles and too little butterbeer? Magic may pop up in your bedroom, laundry room, or classroom tomorrow. Magic has its own timing. Your job is to recognize magic when the sparks start to fly or, trickier yet, when they don’t.
Coaching Tip for Today: Believe in magic and butterbeer. Believe that when the door closes, you can open a window. We mostly end up stuck in ticky-tack boxes because we use heuristics that require door knobs as part of our exit strategy.
When you don’t have a door knob, a clamp will work as well. Or a window. Or a house elf — with or without a Ford Anglia.
Practical advice: Believe in magic. And while you wait for your Anglia or elf, make yourself a hot chocolate with marshmallows or whipped cream. Sprinkles are optional. I recommend real Hershey’s syrup with milk, but if you like those little Swiss Miss packets, go for it. Do you need to put sprinkles on your shopping list?
Zombie phrase for the day:
I always spill the sprinkles.
Ahhh uhhhuhhh bihhll duhh bihnnnguhhh.
If you say you are over it, you are definitely not over it.
This post title comes courtesy of a young man in a plaid shirt and backwards baseball cap that reads, “Give Life to Your Story.” Definitely a thinning-hair hat. He’s no gansta. He’s sitting with two girls, possibly past their teen years, but not by much. They are deep in gossip about some poor woman who apparently, in the words of baseball cap guy, is “definitely not over it.”
You hear many stories sitting in Starbucks. Especially when your laptop is sitting in front of you, people seem to assume you must be deaf. My three pseudo-companions have been hashing over this relationship struggle for nearly half-an-hour.
Baseball-hat guy may be right. If you have to say you are over it, you are definitely not over it. How did you get to the point where you made that declaration, after all? You were ruminating. You were reviewing a sad past.
Watch for these sad past moments today. Just for today, leave them alone. Don’t try to fix or change them. But keep an informal count. How many times did you return to the promotion that should have gone to you? Or any of the many other issues that task us in our daily lives?
Rumination can wreck happiness.
Life Coaching Moment: The past is dead. Evil memories of the past are dead. Bury those sons-of-bitches. That’s easier said than done, of course, and you don’t want to discard the lessons of the past. But you can disconnect lessons from memories.
Yes, the evils of the past slip off their leashes. Pat them on the head, then put them outside, out of sight and out of mind. Distract yourself. Go build something. Bake a cake. Start a puzzle. Read a piece of fan fiction. Or just turn on the TV.
I would want my friends in Starbucks to be discussing my first Red Velvet cake, rather than my schmuck of an ex-boyfriend. In fact, I want to be so boring that no one in Starbucks dissects my life ever.
P.S. Did you get out the comfy slippers yesterday? I did. I am wearing them now and my feet are happy.
Zombie Phrase for the Day:
I need a recipe for blood pudding.
Ahhhhh ddeeeedd uh wehhpeepohhr uhhhhd oouhhdig.
Politics No! I think I will coach today instead .
As we wait for the zombie apocalypse, which has been very slow in coming, we are bombarded with News. Can we make heads or tails of this stuff? Or piñatas? I liked Putin’s assertion that the alleged Russian hacking was actually U.S. hackers attempting to frame Russia. Who the hell can prove it? Who the hell can refute it? If someone could prove it, would anyone believe them? Another perfect addition to post-apocalyptic life without zombies. In the meantime, I am seeking a raison d’etre for this blog. If it’s not zombies, and it’s not politics – I can’t listen to too much more news, guys – then what is it?
Should I become a reluctant, tired, wish-I-could-stay-in-bed-all-day-reading life coach? I perceive a gap here. We have a fair number of “Rah! Rah! Let’s run another mile!” life coaches. We have many “You can meditate, I promise!” coaches. But where are the, “It’s great to make cups of tea and read paranormal romances all day!” coaches? Of course 🙆, we should be trying to get our 10,000 steps in while going back-and-forth to make tea and then traveling back-and-forth to the bathroom, but where are the people to affirm our desire not to necessarily always improve ourselves?
Improvement should be in the eye of the beholder. Improvement should be whatever makes sense for you, whatever puts you more in touch with your essential self. Unless your essential self is a serial killer – in which case I suggest you go look up the running or meditating coaches instead.
Tip for June 7: Find the comfy slippers. Wear them for awhile today. If you have no comfy slippers, declare a Comfy Slipper Emergency! Go out and buy the soft, cushy supplies you need. Take a few moments just to enjoy the feel of your slippers.
Zombie phrase for the day (because we cannot abandon the past and must prepare for the future):
Mr. Rogers was the best.
mihhhderrrahderrr uhhhzzzz uhhhh ehddd.
