All posts in April 2020

Online or on paper, I suggest making a version of this not-exactly-gratitude journal.

Gratitude journals have been a common theme in the self-help articles of the recent past. Write down the good stuff when you wake up or go to bed, authors tell us. Some especially optimistic writers even suggest that humans can reset themselves emotionally by focusing on the good and taking time to record the details.

Ummm… maybe, maybe not. Other people with letters behind their names write short pieces documenting that this approach does not solve the problem of depression, for example. We are enamored of simple fixes, one reason why the COVID-19 time has left many of us — although not the President it seems — at a loss. Where are our simple fixes? But this is not a coronavirus post, except in the sense that I wish to offer a possible activity to those sheltering at home.

I created a journal awhile back that I like better than the standard gratitude journal. The picture above shows my approach. I write the good, the bad and the indifferent. In the right circumstances, I might even add the column “ugly.”

I emphasize the good, but I put down the high points of what is not working. I also make a note of those parts of my environment that may be material but that are not doing much to my seratonin levels one way or another. A few examples: One hour flight delay, hair needs roots done, Papers everywhere. Here’s one clearly real time entry: “Don’t have a clue what is going on on Perry Mason. :-)”

Why I am recommending this journal: I never reread gratitude journals. Those scribblings don’t reflect my life. Yes, I liked my trip to the garden and the Leonida’s chocolates, but somehow rereading those facts holds little interest. When I add the bad and the indifferent, though, I get a true slice of life. The left carotid endarterectomy was bad, but the cardiac and ICU nurses were good, and I was indifferent to six days in Glenbrook hospital, only one of which totally sucked. I liked my Indian dinner that week. I loved visiting with Abby and EJ. On another day when I was tired of turkey and had tinnitus, I enjoyed reading “A Porcupine Named Fluffy” to the class I subbed in Lincolnshire.

The texture of my life is captured in the pages of this journal, and my indifference to the sump pump repair during the bad time of the broken toe brings the picture back to me much more vividly than any gratitude journal might do. This journal is fast to write, too. “Parents happy. Nice Costco pizza lunch” says enough.

Throw a Pride and Prejudice and Zombies journal into your next Amazon order, reader? Or whatever journal reflects you? If you want to use a Word or Excel document instead, that works perfectly. I sometimes print those pages and staple them into the physical journal.

Hugs from the Blue Room. J

Boiling water will not work. The backsplash might blister you, but Mr. Zombie will keep on coming. Kitchen tools don’t work unless you are super-coordinated. That cast iron pan? Can you wield it forcefully and actually break a head? Banging Mr. Zombie on the head may not even slow him down much. Zombies already suffer from severe cases of CTE and mostly shrug off concussions. You might consider taking steak knives and going for the eyeballs if you can. There’s brain behind those eyeballs. You could even use a pair of drumsticks and try this eyeball strategy (the ones used with percussion instruments, not the Colonel’s extra crispy) if you are fast, strong and accurate.

The key to killing zombies is always using the right tools. The key to managing COVID-19 may seem less appealing — no drums, no guns, no glory, just a lot of sitting and dog walking, a lot of not getting close to anyone but members of your shelter. Day after day, you duck and cover as much as possible. If you must go into the world, you wear a mask.

Here’s the thing: I begin to read posts from various sources saying that social distancing and masks until 2021 or 2022 is simply too much. I can understand those posts, especially since people can do everything “right” and still somehow pick up this microbe. COVID-19 is remarkably easy to spread, even before symptoms kick in. It floats awhile in the air and rests on hard surfaces for hours or even days. Humans are the real danger, but no one has eliminated that possible vector of hand to surface to face.

This sucker’s a real bastard. It doesn’t cease to be a bastard because you are getting tired of avoiding it. Like a zombie, the coronavirus does not give the rat’s proverbial ass about your feelings. On the simplest of levels, it wants to survive and YOU are food. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing except a tasty breakfast, lunch or dinner. Not everyone gets super sick — many people don’t — but the super sick are leaving ICUs to go to rehab facilities.

A few tools out here kinda sorta work for self-protection. Social distancing is one. When circumstances allow, sheltering in place is another. Washing hands, keeping hands away from the face, and using hand sanitizer help. Those sometimes aggravating masks and gloves can help keep you and others around you safe. You have to avoid touching your exposed face with the gloves, of course.

Hoping to find a handy cast-iron pan in a pinch is no way to survive during the zombie apocalypse. Throwing a big fortieth birthday party because you have been planning that party for a couple of years may be even less smart than the cast-iron pan plan. First and foremost, zombies are incredibly rare. COVID-19 has taken over the world right now. That’s the operational definition of a pandemic.

I sense a weariness in what I am reading, a fierce desire to go back to “normal.” We can’t, guys. We simply can’t. Not yet. Not now. I understand that 2022 sounds absurdly far off in time. But we have to do our best. They don’t have drugs for this microbial zombie yet, nothing with a track record that suggests we are on the other side of the outbreak. A University of Chicago study suggests Resemdivir may be promising, but they are getting less sure about the value of respirators. They don’t quite know what they are doing yet. Research is ongoing and I believe we will get steadily better at COVID-19 management. Some of the many trials and studies will produce useful results. But we can’t give up social distancing now, or put those masks and gloves in the closet or garbage.*

Readers, the latest wave of zombies has been at the gate for months now, but the fact that we are bored with their moans and groans will do nothing to make them go away. Reverting to “normal” will only open the gate.

*And for damn sure we can’t RECYCLE those masks and gloves. Apparently some people have actually thrown their old personal protection equipment in the recycling — speaking of zombies…

P.S. And don’t even think of using Tide Pods, Lysol or bleach — not for zombies. COVID, or anything except cleaning the EXTERIORS of random objects.

Zombie phrase for the day: I should not have eaten the Tide Pods. Ahhhhzzzuhhhhddd dahhhhdah eedehhhhnddd dahhh Dayyyyd Dahhhh.

*

I strongly suspect adult children left those shards of glass. Adult children put the bottles of Creme de Cocoa, vermouth and Benedictine in the basement refrigerator. They are definitely responsible for the Voodoo Ranger Special Release Atomic Pumpkin beer, although I confess I think that beer’s good. Kudos to Voodoo Ranger for thinking outside the basic hops and barley box.

But the glass strikes me as one of those half-finished jobs in life. If I hadn’t taken the drawers out to clean — Now there’s a symptom of Coronavirus life! — I would not have stumbled on the glass. Some careful swabbing later, here’s my life coach advice for this early April day: Don’t quit until all the glass is gone. If I had been cleaning an area outside my view, that attack on the refrigerator could have ended in antiseptic and bandages.

Any hidden glass in your life, reader? Real or metaphorical? This may be the perfect day to do war with sharp spears of melted sand. Call that friend and fix “it” maybe?

Trivia for today: Did you know sand melts at 1700°C — or 3090°F? So don’t bother to nuke a lump of sand in the microwave to see what happens. In my universe, I think I just proved glass to be an impossibility, except the windows must come from somewhere. Today might also be a day to pause to admire your amazing windows.

Zombie phrase for the day: You have to hit the glass door hard. Sometimes you can’t even get in.

Oooh ahhhbbbdooo idddaaaaahhhddoohhhh arrrrhhhh. uhhhdiiid oooh gaaaheeb eehhhd ihddd.

Greetings, fellow Deep-into-COVID-and-Definitely-Not-Loving-House-Arrest types. So are you slouching in your chair, trying to make the remote magically produce a better show? Or even laying propped up on pillows with your phone, iPad or a book in front of you?

The world spiraled out of control awhile ago. You can’t make your own toilet paper. Making your own mask requires that you remember how to use a needle or even the sewing machine in the attic. You might have to take up your first needle while watching a YouTube video. But for all the little frayed snippets of daily life, you can always improve your posture.

Many teachers are trying to manage remote meetings, prepare lessons for students — who may or may not bother to go on Google Classroom — and even create grades inside all this craziness. Other professionals are struggling to learn Zoom and older communication apps. For some, virtual life might as well have Mario fireballs falling down onto us as we try to avoid leaping onto the poisonous mushrooms.

But for all the exploding clouds in the landscape, you can always improve your posture. Readers, how is that chair you are using to connect to the outside world? Do you have a pillow behind you or a footrest in front of you? You don’t want a backache. Those neck twinges can be worse trouble. With urgent care and doctor’s offices only slightly more appealing than the average nuclear waste site, ducking trouble is your best option. I’d even go so far as to say you should avoid unfamiliar yoga postures. One of them once put me on Oxycontin for more than a month.

The clunky piece of gray plastic above is maybe ten years old and was made by Rubbermaid. You can raise and lower the platform to three different settings, and the platform tilts forward and backward, letting me shift my feet up and down while working. I completely love this thing and I strongly recommend it to anyone who sits for much of the day. Try a search under Rubbermaid footrest.

Hugs and love to readers. Couch surfing works to kill the time, but there are sharks in these waters, not all of them swirling around like obvious Sharknados.

Zombie phrase for the day: Don’t say maybe if you want to say no. Duhhhhhdddddayyyy ayyyyeee ihhhbb oo ahhdooo dayy dohhhh.

Zombies, sharks, scarves, cooking, cleaning, puzzles, labeling pictures — so many things to do. How about making a move that actually matters? As I walked past the many happy dog-walkers outside today, I had a brainstorm: PUPPIES!

This is the ideal time to foster a lonely dog. Here we sit, facing weeks and maybe more weeks at home. Do you have a stable dwelling place, preferably with a fenced yard? Especially in colder climates, a yard proves incredibly helpful. But if you enjoy taking multiple walks daily, that yard may be optional. You could even go straight for the jugular and buy yourself a new puppy of your very own.

(Maybe. My brother-in-law just informed there is a shortage of puppies in this area. Apparently his neighbor struggled hard to add a pooch to his family. Such a strange world right now…)

I remember warm summer nights getting up at 2 A.M. to take an eight-pound, red, curly-haired terrier out to the patch of grass in front or back of the house. Dog training doesn’t take long, but it does take steady and persistent. That dog eventually broke fifty pounds, but she could be trusted outside the crate before the end of summer break.

Well, we can sleep in right now, many of us. That middle of the night pee break does not pose the usual challenges. We can put down a blanket and sit or lay down in the yard while tossing sticks. Many of us are walking all over the place, with or without leashes. We have plenty of time to stash the shoes and other chewables.

Some dog needs you right now, if you are in position to add to your family. I’m sure many areas still have surplus puppies and older companions. Those older dogs are hoping desperately for a forever home, and would prefer a foster home to a big cage-filled barn with howls and concrete floors. Feel like being a hero? That dog who wants nothing more than to curl up at your feet and jump with joy when you walk in the door is waiting out there, hoping to be rescued.

Caveat: This choice requires careful thought. Can you give a dog the exercise and care required? What will happen when you go back to work? Are you in the right location and life stage to bring a critter into the house? Will your chewed-up shoes, underwear and couch pillows stress you too greatly? Like human babies, puppies will put the weirdest stuff in their mouths for the first year or two, until they are trained. If you have never had a dog, I recommend a long talk with friends who do. I also recommend researching breeds and spending time with any prospects. Rescue dogs are another category. Not all have been well-trained, although I subscribe to the notion that most older dogs can learn new behaviors. Maybe the greatest thing about dogs is how much they want to make YOU happy.

Book recommendations for today: In the mood for light, zombie fluff? Start with Zombie, Ohio and then read Zombie, Illinois. These titles are available on Hoopla. Zombie, Illinois will be a special treat for those who know Chicago politics. Both books offer unusual twists on the undead story.

Make a note that a Sharknado marathon is coming Sunday on Syfy! These movies make a perfect family event. Cheesy beyond belief, with special effects that only sometimes take advantage of recent advances in CGI, and acting that few sharks or other aquatic creatures could manage, the Sharknado films are far better (or worse) than their Rotten Tomatos rating. For fans of Ed Wood, this series is a must see. Of course, I also liked 2 Lava 2 Lantula.

Zombie phrase for the day;

Arnold Schwarzenegger deserved an Oscar for The Terminator.

Arrrrdooohhh dooordedehdhhhr duhhzerrrb ad othgahhhdor duhhhh dehrrbihhdayydohhhr.