All posts in July 2018

An airline mechanic on Alaska Airlines flight 26 from Seattle to Chicago explained it to me: Costco got rid of the polish dog so they could replace it with the more healthful acai bowl. I don’t quite buy his story. I can’t see the execs at Costco deciding that fans of the $1.50 polish dog craved healthy berry-like yogurt with blueberries, strawberries and granola instead. I’m guessing the Polish Dog Target Market hardly knows acai exists and never thinks, “I must stop at Costco for that luscious $4.99 acai bowl.” I guarantee readers my dad has no interest in weird, fruity-looking stuff. He tried the hot dog. I expect him to move to everything pizza with many lamentations about the loss of his polish dog.

But the polish dog is gone. Fruity yogurt bowl has arrived. That dark red fruity yogurt replaced chocolate froyo, too.

Want to join the protest? You can try #SaveThePolishDog, #BoycottCostco, or even the Facebook group, “Boycott Costco Until They Bring Back Our God Damn Polish Dogs.” (Captain America would have named the group differently I am sure. Language!) You could start your own group, for that matter, something like “Quinoa and Kale Are Getting Entirely Out of Hand.” Don’t get me wrong. I like the acai bowl. But that polish dog and 20 ounce drink for only $1.50 will be missed by many.

Yours from the possible future hashtag “#Give me the gigantic dog, scary green relish and toxic-yellow mustard NOW.

I will keep readers posted on developments related to this vital, American issue.

“Put the bunny back in the box,” Cameron Poe tells Billy Bedlam in Con Air. 

Snickering, Billy fails to comply.

After sticking Billy on a highly convenient, protruding metal stake, Poe says simply:

“Why couldn’t you put the bunny back in the box?”

For the next week, I am going to recommend that readers put politics back in the box.  Stash that damn bunny. Fox or CNN or NPR or PBS are calling you? Don’t pick up the call.

Like Cameron Poe, you have served your time. You don’t have to track all the craziness. I fully support rallying together to demand the government find kids they lost,* but I also support stepping out of the fray for a vacation or two. Or three. Or four. Or retirement. Or forever. Your life, your call. My question for you: Has the political scene been making you happier lately?

You don’t have to let the news make you miserable. All these electronic devices? If you somehow can’t escape politics, put them aside for a week. At least so far, our devices still have off switches.

*All that government manpower and no one thought to take a picture of kids and parents together to stick on the front of a folder? And then implement a policy to reunite exactly the number of people in the picture? Even without opposable thumbs, I’m pretty sure random dolphins could do at least as well as some alleged civil servants