Sharing the World with the Undead
Biographical Musings from the Zombie Jar
Invented by Burger King, this device allows you to hang a burger around your neck. They call it a Whopper holder, designed to allow you hands-free eating.
Why is humanity likely to survive the Zombie Apocalypse? We are clever and we will do stupid things for no damn reason.
The Whopper holder should give us all hope.
Star Trek: The Return of the Archons (#1.21)” (1967)
Captain James T. Kirk: [recognizing his crewman among the stunned citizens] Lieutenant O’Neal. He’s one of our men.
Reger: Not anymore. He’s been absorbed.
From http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0708476/
Mysteriously, this post did not survive the transfer with blogger. The idea is simple enough: Your buddy John is going over? You can’t save him. Maybe Charlton Heston could have helped if he had carried the vaccine in the helicopter with him, but Chuck’s gone now. The vaccine does not exist.
Let John go. Let your ex-boyfriend go. Let anyone go whose behavior you don’t like. Human, vampire, zombie, whatever. You don’t have to spend time with people you don’t like. Those friends who somehow no longer connect with you? They can go.
Many life lessons can be taken from Star Trek. This particular lesson is vital to your survival. Your neighbor Karen? Once she’s turned, she’s not your neighbor Karen anymore. She may look like Karen but her looks are deceitful. You might have to lock your mom or granny in the shed to await the cure, but let the neighbors go. The fewer people in the shed, the better your long-term prospects.
This may be the coolest car in the world, ready to spirit you away when the moaning is heard over the hill. However, you most likely own another make and model.
The advice for zombies and major snowstorms is pretty much the same. Think full tank of gas, preferably with good mileage, no mechanical issues, and quality tires. In addition, you will need to weaponize for the undead — firearms aplenty and an axe or two for close range. While driving the zombie-proof-mobile, it’s wise to maintain the speed limit and obey all traffic laws.
Suspicious? The alarm bells are blaring. Something is going on in this woman’s brain. Is it the wine, the frosting or viral amplification? We won’t be sure for some days or weeks, so caution is indicated. Don’t turn your back on “57” here until she’s shown she can behave.
Hmmm. I know “57.” Unfortunately, you may never be able to turn your back on her again.
Electronics need fewer buttons.
Ehhrehhdruhhniguhh ihhdooher uhhdduhns.
Electronics need bigger buttons!
Ehhrehhdruhhniguhh ihhddihgrrr uhhdduhns!
The guy on the left is the President of Abercrombie & Fitch, Mike Jeffries. The guy on the right is his cousin.
While we never want to discriminate on looks, the fact is that appearance is probably the easiest way to identify the protozombie once he or she is well on the way to viral amplification. We can’t wait until he starts to look like cuz. So what do you need to watch for?
I’d say Prez looks pretty damn suspicious. Notice his pale coloring and bleached, swollen lips. Notice the hair, the general lack of grooming. He can’t quite handle the gel and comb anymore. The left and right eyes have a slightly confused expression. They don’t match, either, probably because pathways in his brain are scrambled.
Prez set off an internet backlash when he said that “his company markets solely to people they deem ‘attractive.’ His stores do not carry clothes in XL or XXL sizes and women’s pants don’t go above size 10.
Alarm bells should have gone off when Jeffries said, “In every school there were the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes] and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”
I always liked Hannibal Lecter.
Aaahhhhhwayyzz wayyggdd Abuhhhh Ehhggduhhr.
He’s gone now and it’s a pity. If the undead start walking, we will need men like John Wayne.
Put your phone down. I hate pictures.
Buhhhdsuhhrr vohnn duhhhn. Ahhhdttd ichhjuhrr.
