All posts by Jocelyn the Plaid

Can you make a Crisco candle ? Undead translation: ggahhnnnoommehhgg gihhgohhgahhdahh? Note for apocalypse fans: Dubious sources say these pseudo-lard candles can last up to 45 days. You need to use cotton, jute or another natural material for the wick. Please note the Crisco can is flammable, but if you can’t avoid setting yourself on fire with… Read More

Zombie: gueeeeduuuweeeb uhhhz uhhhna ah buhhrdddab ah. Translation: Keanu Reeves was one of the first of us. Just a stray thought: Watching an old second-generation Outer Limits episode about a computer taking over the world, I listen to  talk of mainframes, as I watch discs being frantically carried about, and I think of Columbo’s typewriter ribbons and daisy… Read More

Sometimes all you need are uncooked burgers and a bird bath. zzzummmdayzz awooeeurhhhh uhnnguhhggg urhhhurhh aha ihrrrbahh. Readers:  What’s that perfect summer meal? Barbecue and corn on the cob? Salmon and gazpacho? Clam chowder on the beach? A simple turkey sandwich with potato salad and chips? Why not think about this for a minute, make a grocery… Read More

English: “Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.” Zombie: “zzzhummdie ennn ahhgoze mīayyhhhz ahgahnzeeee” Question for readers: Should we close our eyes more often? An observation from the recent cross-country road trip. I never missed the news for one moment. I found a bar in Big Sur for the NBA finals. That was… Read More

Having a zombie blog, a biography blog and an education blog just seemed silly. I merged the biography and the zombies to simplify life. This “new” blog will be a bit disconnected for awhile as I attempt to fit my biography into tips for the apocalypse. I still hope to encourage others to tell their life stories,… Read More

(Written during the last school year on a cold, winter morning. ) Characters: Mommy, a person who greatly resembles Jocelyn Turner. Shasta, a giant, bloblike, invisible garden slug, about the size of a four-year-old human, although shaped more like a fat Buddha when she sits. Shasta loves to dress up. Conversation with Shasta: (Shasta and… Read More

  We all have our personal zombies. They may not be mindless, reanimated human corpses with a hunger for human flesh. They don’t always moan. Some may not even possess corporeal forms. What forces can eat the brain? I’ll list a few: ☻Deadlines ☻Time pressure ☻ Heat ☻Sleeplessness ☻Gaming ☻Anxiety ☻ Disorganization and Lost Stuff ☻ Crazy bosses. I’d like… Read More

Marianos ran free alcoholic beverage and cheese tastings last year. I don’t know if they still offer free beer and cheese, but the grocery chain posted the events in Eventbrite. I recommend looking up Eventbrite. Sushi and sake was a reasonable $15 or so. I enjoyed sampling the various free beers and cheeses. Krankshaft above is spelled with… Read More

Time runs loosely on Mars, the planet where I have chosen to retire.  An element of, “Why not?” enters life.  Why not watch The Civil War followed by Shetland followed by Sherlock Holmes?  Why not read your Agatha Christie book from the Goodwill when you wake up at 3 A.M.? Where the lesson plans to prepare?… Read More

I quit early. I had intended to stay longer, but teaching stopped being fun.  I don’t do well at activities that are not fun. Most people don’t and I am sorry for many teachers right now. The level of frantic where test scores are concerned leads to dubious choices on the part of people who… Read More