All posts by Jocelyn the Plaid

Zombie Phrase for the Day: You can eat the wax paper. Ooohhhhhg aaahhhhhddd eeed duhhh aaaaahggzz aaaayyyyehrr.

Look at the picture, reader. Were those real humans? Are those real humans? The most normal looking human in the below picture is definitely the guy in the portrait. That Arizona recount? No one would trust that recount whose brain cells were still remotely functional. And the idea that a former President might be reinstated… Read More

Zombie phrase of the day: I miss real tech support. Ahhhhhbihhth beeel dehhggg zzzuhhbohrrddd.

Your mind will go where your body takes it. If you tap the “Words with Friends” icon on the phone, you will begin spelling. If you tap Starbucks, you may find yourself in the car headed down the road toward a soy latte and croissant. We tend to ignore or discount our body’s part in… Read More

MICROSOFT NEWS POLL How often do you talk to your spouse / romantic partner about finances and money? Not often at all 10% Very often 30% Somewhat often 30% Not that often 10% Other / Does not apply 20% Sometimes I read and click on the dumbest damn polls. Let’s start with the differences between… Read More

Time to pull back from the edge everyone. The drama of this November is beginning to remind me of “Wolf in the Fold,” the Star Trek TOS Scotty episode where the spirit of Jack the Ripper makes his way from Rigel IV to Argelius, a friendly planet whose streets are coated with dry ice. In… Read More

Enough advice for now. Too much advice at once and you’ll get overwhelmed. None of it will stick. It helps to make a quick summary of what you might want to remember, like “Watch out for cheap stuff, three-legged stools and Russian infiltrators on the internet and in thrift stores. You want to make sure… Read More

Sometimes you have to clean CATBOXES DEAD BUGS WINDOW WELLS BOYFRIENDS OR HUSBANDS TOXIC JOBS BELITTLING BOSSES BORING COLLEGE MAJORS THE BACK OF THE CLOSET TOILETS PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE TOILETS. Sometimes you just have to take the scoop, broom and dustpan and go for it. You are always one change away from a radical… Read More

Try to patronize local merchants, reader. Spend a few extra $$$. The walk-in traffic has evaporated, even with the world open again. I made a sobering left turn onto a major arterial yesterday, after picking up my grilled chicken sandwich and fries at around 5:00 PM. That turn was effortless. The traffic has picked up,… Read More

From one of Monty Python’s best songs: “Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam!Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-amSpa-a-a-a-a-a-a-amSpa-a-a-a-a-a-a-amSpa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am Lovely Spam! (Lovely Spam!)Lovely Spam! (Lovely Spam!)”Etc. But this post is not about that Spam, although if you want to scramble a few chunks of mystery meat into your eggs, why not? I suggest you buy the reduced sodium version.… Read More