All posts by Mississippi Maxie

Never go near large, blue waste containers.  Neehhhvahhgg ohhnnihhr lahrjjuhbuhll wayzzduh guhhnehrzz. 

There are two possibilities: The man in the blue container thought of this. If so, he’s probably a protozombie and does not have much time left. His friends are most likely in about the same shape. A more intriguing possibility is that his friends decided to use public waste management services to dispose of their… Read More

I was surprised to discover Buffy was real. Who knew there were actually vampire slayers? Ahhzz brahhzzdddduhzguhvuur (B)uhhvvveezzz reel. ooohhhnoohhzzuhhrr ahglee ahhbayrrzzullayerrs?

It was way too close. I was on my way to work, not really thinking about the threat. Humans hardly do think about the threat until it is upon them. Even then, as soon as the immediate danger passes, they may start reflecting upon where they will go to get that beer or piece of… Read More

Never ask a zombie for directions. Even if you speak zombie, most zombies have little sense of direction. Zombies also have little sense of innate helpfulness. They’ll send you to Atlanta without a moment’s hesitation.

Brains taste better with salsa. Cilantro is a big help. Brayyhnzz dayhhzz behddahiidd zahlzah..Zihhlluhndrahzza bihhgelbb.  In later stages of zombiefication, the “b” will disappear, possibly replaced with a “d” or often simply omitted. Aside from the need for lips that may not be present, the “b” sound requires a fair amount of muscle control. 

So the zombie apocalypse has captured the hearts and minds of many of us throughout the world. The usual explanations include ideas such as our desire to show that we are up to the ultimate challenge, able to escape this fearsome threat. That fits with the reality TV of our time. Alternative explanations:1) We desperately… Read More

I voted. All I had to do was tap the screen. They will never know I have forgotten how to read.  Ahhvvvduhhd. Uhlahahdduhhzz dahhbbgleen. duhayyllnuhvvnuhh ahhvvvurguhdduhn owdd weed.

The ultimate test of the ability to function under pressure will be the zombie apocalypse. Do you think either of those guys is up to the challenge? I don’t. They’re both a bit too prone to the interpretive dance. Mitt and Barack will be gathering intelligence and interpreting the facts while Cleveland is turning into… Read More

The key to stairs is to use the railing. Duhhgeed dairzzz uhzzoozze duhhrrrlllihnn.