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Never ask a zombie for directions. Even if you speak zombie, most zombies have little sense of direction. Zombies also have little sense of innate helpfulness. They’ll send you to Atlanta without a moment’s hesitation.

Brains taste better with salsa. Cilantro is a big help.

So the zombie apocalypse has captured the hearts and minds of many of us throughout the world. The usual explanations include ideas such as our desire to show that we are up to the ultimate challenge, able to escape this fearsome threat. That fits with the reality TV of our time. Alternative explanations:
1) We desperately crave a simpler lifestyle. On some level, we want the power to go out. We want the very electronics that define our daily lives to cease to function.
2) We figure it’s time to cull the herd anyway.
3) We’d rather nothing changed but we’ve watched so many scary movies that we can’t help but believe The Threat is Out There.
4) We actually want to get it over with. Zombification would not be our fault but would eliminate Monday from our lives.

I’m sure the answer lies somewhere in there for many people, although simple explanations are usually at least partially wrong where humans are concerned. Most of us are too big a psychological mess to neatly fit into any one box.

(May YOU are, the reader thinks.)

I voted. All I had to do was tap the screen. They will never know I have forgotten how to read. 

The ultimate test of the ability to function under pressure will be the zombie apocalypse. Do you think either of those guys is up to the challenge? I don’t. They’re both a bit too prone to the interpretive dance. Mitt and Barack will be gathering intelligence and interpreting the facts while Cleveland is turning into a smorgasbord.

The key to stairs is to use the railing.

Duhhgeed dairzzz uhzzoozze duhhrrrlllihnn.

The weird thing is — there is no zombie Monday. No zombie Friday. The undead are oblivious to the day or date. They are oblivious to the presence or absence of morning coffee. This is the proverbial no-brainer, but it’s worth taking a few moments to contemplate how many little details go into our operational definition of a normal human. By recognizing the boxes we live in, we can begin to identify people who are stepping outside the boxes, who may be going over even as they shamble away from the chocolate chip cookies.

You can’t have Sherlock Holmes without Dr. Watson.

Oohhgguuhnnndd uhvzzhhehrlugg uhllmzz idahhddurr ahhdzuhhn.

Is it thin because we are making it thin? Or do we simply feel the change? We might easily attribute the feeling to the coming of winter, All Saints Day or All Souls Day, The Day of the Dead, or other rituals that surround us, some as simple as the changing of the clock.

But perhaps, al fin y al cabo, at the end of the day —

This is simply a thin time. That other world across the veil may be moving closer.

Tired of posting tonight but in this time of people confused by gas pumps that don’t magically spout gas in the absence of electricity, I think maybe I have to say this: That flashlight? You need batteries for it. If you wait until the dead are on your doorstep, there won’t be any batteries left in Walgreens. Like water, batteries will fly off the shelves when the crisis is upon us. Do yourself a favor and stick some in the cupboard now.

For one thing, that ‘let’s go to the mall to escape the zombies’ plan? It sucks. Large malls and department stores look like a potential feast to the brain dead. Let’s go to Walgreens may be even worse. What happens if some dude waiting (and waiting and waiting and waiting) in Walgreens happens to die and reanimates? Where is this more likely than a pharmacy? Probably only in a hospital.

If you have to be told to avoid hospitals… Forget this whole blog. You have no chance for survival. Just enjoy your remaining time. Eat, drink and be merry. Survival may be overrated anyway.