Remember the June 9th post about the semitrailer that dumped hundreds of boxes of Hungry Jack syrup bottles? Well, I still haven’t figured out what it means, but I am making progress. The vital questions we have to answer, of course, are the following: Who the hell is Jack? What exactly is he hungry for? Most importantly — what is it about that syrup and/or Jack that it made it necessary for saboteurs to destroy that truck? We know Jack is not some bit player. (After all, they named a syrup brand after him.)
The last question: Does this particular event relate directly to the zombie threat? That would seem unlikely at first glance. We are talking about sugar here, not neuron-packed protein. The cover story certainly sounds plausible. Supposedly, the incident “occurred on Thursday when the Hungry Jack driver maneuvered to avoid a car on the highway with a blown-out tire.”
As with so many seemingly unrelated events, though, we need to follow the advice given by numerous self-help books: Begin with the end in mind. What is the end result of all that syrup consumption? In some cases, especially when that syrup is frequently used as part of the traditional American breakfast, the result will be DEATH — the direct precursor to joining the ranks of the undead. Consider that, according to Livestrong.com, a fried egg generally has 90 calories, 7 g of fat and 210 mg of cholesterol, which is 70 percent of the RDA. A piece of bacon has 40 calories, 3 g of fat and 3 g of protein. The average buttermilk biscuit is 130 calories, has 6 g of fat and 15 percent of the RDA of sodium. There are 21 grams of fat in a Denny’s waffle. Syrup almost always couples with pancakes or waffles, frequently with added sausage, bacon or eggs.
If we wanted to make zombies, the breakfast syrup plan is almost perfect.
The plot is growing thicker.
