All posts by Jocelyn the Plaid

Mind Control! Landru is real! “What the President meant to say was …” How do Fox commentators know? How do Sean or Kellyanne know? Do the Russians know? Will the Russians share? Who knows? Is Julian Assange human? What secrets have the Ecuadorians been  hiding? Does Ecuador exist? Have you been to Ecuador, reader? How… Read More

Zombie Phrase for Today: I think our first move should be calling the Avengers. Ahhh dihnngk ahrr ihrrttoohb uhhdbee gahhhlingk ahbehnjuhrrs. Health care appears to be poised on a precipice. Let’s take today to reaffirm our commitment to social justice. The Walking Dead may have lost its way, but we need to remain clear: We are supposed… Read More

Brains taste delicious. If only I could move. Oh no. That dog is looking at me. Braaayyynnnzz aaayyzzzd ihhshuzz. Ihvv uhhhhneee ahhhg uhhd ooovhh. ohhhhdooohh. Daaadahhhzzzz oooggeendd eee. Zombie preparedness: A reminder not to be staring at our phones while we walk our dogs on winter sidewalks. I assume we are mostly smarter than that,… Read More

Sometimes I question my sanity. Zuuhhhdiiiiy ahhh gehduyun mah zahhhhhhadee. Sometimes it replies. Zuuhhhdiiiy ihhh uhbligh.

Can you make a Crisco candle ? Undead translation: ggahhnnnoommehhgg gihhgohhgahhdahh? Note for apocalypse fans: Dubious sources say these pseudo-lard candles can last up to 45 days. You need to use cotton, jute or another natural material for the wick. Please note the Crisco can is flammable, but if you can’t avoid setting yourself on fire with… Read More

Zombie: gueeeeduuuweeeb uhhhz uhhhna ah buhhrdddab ah. Translation: Keanu Reeves was one of the first of us. Just a stray thought: Watching an old second-generation Outer Limits episode about a computer taking over the world, I listen to  talk of mainframes, as I watch discs being frantically carried about, and I think of Columbo’s typewriter ribbons and daisy… Read More

Sometimes all you need are uncooked burgers and a bird bath. zzzummmdayzz awooeeurhhhh uhnnguhhggg urhhhurhh aha ihrrrbahh. Readers:  What’s that perfect summer meal? Barbecue and corn on the cob? Salmon and gazpacho? Clam chowder on the beach? A simple turkey sandwich with potato salad and chips? Why not think about this for a minute, make a grocery… Read More

English: “Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.” Zombie: “zzzhummdie ennn ahhgoze mīayyhhhz ahgahnzeeee” Question for readers: Should we close our eyes more often? An observation from the recent cross-country road trip. I never missed the news for one moment. I found a bar in Big Sur for the NBA finals. That was… Read More

Having a zombie blog, a biography blog and an education blog just seemed silly. I merged the biography and the zombies to simplify life. This “new” blog will be a bit disconnected for awhile as I attempt to fit my biography into tips for the apocalypse. I still hope to encourage others to tell their life stories,… Read More