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One reason Starbucks sometimes gets my money is simple; I figure the laptop is probably dead or dying. Other devices also benefit from charging during my lunch or coffee break. I know I can connect in Starbucks.

Le Fancy French Restaurant does not need extra outlets. I am not going to waste my haute cuisine experience rotating between devices. But if I am on my way home from teaching and I want to stop to write, play Words with Friends, or read off a device, outlets may factor into my final choice. Anyone opening a fast casual restaurant today, an establishment like a Chipotle, a restaurant where customers stand in line for food, or a restaurant where they hand out numbers to put into round, shiny, metal prongs, should sprinkle those handy outlets everywhere. Like taking charge cards, not cranking the air-conditioning, or offering at least one decent, vegetarian option, those outlets only make sense.

I can’t imagine I am the only traveler passing by places I’ve rejected because I don’t want to hassle to plug in my charger.

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg

Mitch obviously bought the wrong fake plants. The ones in my house keep thriving, year after year. Sometimes they need dusting, but they wait patiently for me. While my plants add no oxygen to the atmosphere, they don’t do that sudden, inexplicable dive into death either.

Today’s advice: Are you a horticultural failure? Give up! Purchase a new plastic or silk centerpiece from the local florist or even make one of your own. A quick trip to Michael’s for flowers can set you up for years. Why not make life easy?

On a Metalevel: Pretending is essential to the maintenance of fakery. If your pretending/fakery ratio has gotten out of balance somehow, I recommend visiting art shows, and watching science fiction and fantasy movies. Reading may work even better, as your mind conjures up its personal versions of authors’ creations.

(I moved this to the eduhonesty.com blog but left it here, too.)

“You can’t go wrong if you keep silent,” the woman said.

She was telling white people not to insert themselves into the discussion spaces of other, non-white groups. Save your great opinions and listen, she tried to say. She made good points about cultural sensitivity. White Americans are programmed to leap into the protest march, shouting and waving their signs while vigorously speaking up for the less-fortunate, whoever those poor people might be.

That said, I’ve heard this narrative before. The call to silence white people has gained traction in the recent past. Another part of the same discussion extended that call to silence.

“‘I meant well’ is no excuse,” the speaker said. “Yes, you meant well, but you brought it right back to you.”

Her audience was listening attentively. I expect some of those listeners will actively try to be quieter, will intrude less often into unfamiliar cultural spaces. Less whitesplainin’ will decrease awkwardness and annoyance.

But I have growing reservations about the recent calls to silence. Social anxiety besets many of us. In any staff meeting of teachers, one finds fearless talkers — teaching favors extroverts — but also silent colleagues with their eyes mostly on their notes. These note watchers and takers speak up rarely, mostly when the spotlight falls on them against their will or a huge injustice appears to be underway. I worry that the quiet people especially will simply begin to avoid nonwhite spaces and will cease to be allies in the fight to provide equal education and equal opportunity to all. A call to silence can be a relief to someone who would prefer not to speak in the first place, a justification for avoiding awkward and potentially painful conversations. At what point does that relief become permission to drop issues of social equality in favor of less frightening topics? One reason so many health teachers of the past described anatomy in excessive detail was that putting parts into a puzzle allowed a teacher to avoid the topic of how those parts might be used.

Here’s a vote for inclusivity, one that allows for a little whitesplainin’ and bumbling — because we all have those bumpy, bumbly moments, along with a reminder to my white readers that, in fact, you cannot know what it’s like to be African-American or a member of the Ho-Chunk Nation.

Here’s a vote for silence, kindness, compassion and communication as we gather together to fix historical wrongs.

I added an app called HealthyBot to my life and HealthyBot had moments. But then I woke to the coffee post.

HealthyBot wanted me to ramp up the healthiness of my morning coffee, clearly a problematic area and often a wasted opportunity. I’m sure the sugar content in many morning coffee cups matches that of a giant Butterfinger bar, and the cream may carry that cup up to Butterfinger fat levels. So attacking coffee makes sense. But then the Bot suggested I add butter and coconut oil to my morning coffee. Specifically, I was supposed to add GRASS-FED butter. I believe my app must be run by cybernetic organisms. Or maybe vacuum cleaners.

But this example probably explains why I am listening to very few alleged authorities nowadays. The formerly-evil coconut seems to have hired a great PR team. I’m happy for the coconut. But I am just so done listening to these fools. Let the vacuum cleaner drink that coffee.

I will eat and drink what I want, sticking to a wide variety of fruits, vegetables and other foods in reasonable quantities.

P.S. In fairness, HealthyBot has useful advice — interspersed with moments when they decide to jump off the cliff.

P.S.S. To any teachers out there, if this fits your curriculum, please feel free to use my post for discussion.

An airline mechanic on Alaska Airlines flight 26 from Seattle to Chicago explained it to me: Costco got rid of the polish dog so they could replace it with the more healthful acai bowl. I don’t quite buy his story. I can’t see the execs at Costco deciding that fans of the $1.50 polish dog craved healthy berry-like yogurt with blueberries, strawberries and granola instead. I’m guessing the Polish Dog Target Market hardly knows acai exists and never thinks, “I must stop at Costco for that luscious $4.99 acai bowl.” I guarantee readers my dad has no interest in weird, fruity-looking stuff. He tried the hot dog. I expect him to move to everything pizza with many lamentations about the loss of his polish dog.

But the polish dog is gone. Fruity yogurt bowl has arrived. That dark red fruity yogurt replaced chocolate froyo, too.

Want to join the protest? You can try #SaveThePolishDog, #BoycottCostco, or even the Facebook group, “Boycott Costco Until They Bring Back Our God Damn Polish Dogs.” (Captain America would have named the group differently I am sure. Language!) You could start your own group, for that matter, something like “Quinoa and Kale Are Getting Entirely Out of Hand.” Don’t get me wrong. I like the acai bowl. But that polish dog and 20 ounce drink for only $1.50 will be missed by many.

Yours from the possible future hashtag “#Give me the gigantic dog, scary green relish and toxic-yellow mustard NOW.

I will keep readers posted on developments related to this vital, American issue.

“Put the bunny back in the box,” Cameron Poe tells Billy Bedlam in Con Air. 

Snickering, Billy fails to comply.

After sticking Billy on a highly convenient, protruding metal stake, Poe says simply:

“Why couldn’t you put the bunny back in the box?”

For the next week, I am going to recommend that readers put politics back in the box.  Stash that damn bunny. Fox or CNN or NPR or PBS are calling you? Don’t pick up the call.

Like Cameron Poe, you have served your time. You don’t have to track all the craziness. I fully support rallying together to demand the government find kids they lost,* but I also support stepping out of the fray for a vacation or two. Or three. Or four. Or retirement. Or forever. Your life, your call. My question for you: Has the political scene been making you happier lately?

You don’t have to let the news make you miserable. All these electronic devices? If you somehow can’t escape politics, put them aside for a week. At least so far, our devices still have off switches.

*All that government manpower and no one thought to take a picture of kids and parents together to stick on the front of a folder? And then implement a policy to reunite exactly the number of people in the picture? Even without opposable thumbs, I’m pretty sure random dolphins could do at least as well as some alleged civil servants

Coca Cola in Costa Rica contains sugar the way that Mexican Coca Cola does, the way that special ornamental Christmas bottles do. The Real Thing is actually the Real Thing in many parts of the world. I admit that brown liquid may be the Real Thing that’s Not Good for the Paleo Vegan Human Whatever We Are out here in the so-called real world. But how did we let them slip all that corn syrup into our Cokes anyway?

Sugar tastes better. What’s wrong with Americans? Why did we simply roll over when they changed the taste of our Coke? On sip from that special Christmas bottle reveals the perfidy of those Coca Cola executives who foisted Corn Syrup Coke on the world.

According to the Mayo Clinic, women need about 9 glasses of water per day.

From http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/water/art-20044256: “The Institute of Medicine determined that an adequate intake (AI) for men is roughly about 13 cups (3 liters) of total beverages a day. The AI for women is about 9 cups (2.2 liters) of total beverages a day.”

Holy Sasparilla, Batman! Those of us with a fear of public bathrooms must be quivering in our Crocs.  If you exercise a lot, live in a sweaty climate, are pregnant or breastfeeding,  or have certain medical conditions, you may need even more water.

The key to surviving the Mayo’s revelation can be found in the word “beverages.” You don’t have to trudge to fountains and faucets all day. You don’t have to tote large, water bottles like albatrosses of eventual doom everywhere. In fact, you can almost entirely avoid pure H2O.

Foods can help, especially fruits and vegetables. Eat watermelon, a sweet deliciousness that’s 90% water.  Melons are mostly water. Mayo claims food provides about 20% of our water needs.

Drink milk and splash that stuff over your cereal. Milk and juice should be viewed as cleverly disguised water. Contrary to some websites that want to make us miserable, even beer, wine, coffee, tea and soda provide water. We are told alcoholic and caffeinated beverages should not make up most of our daily fluid intake, and I’m sure that’s true. But they will add a bit to the water tally, even as they dehydrate you.  Besides, at least in my universe, caffeinated beverages are not optional.

So what do you do if you don’t like pure water? Water may be calorie-free and readily available, but many people doubt its deliciousness. A few don’t even consider it palatable.

Random tip for today: Reader, I suggest you spend some time tallying up your water sources and investigating water alternatives that might help you make your numbers. Sparkly water with a splash of juice? Green or herbal teas? A squeeze of lemon or lime with ice on top of your faucet water?

If you always feel great and drink only 5 glasses of water, ignore me. I frankly think we should ignore most of the so-called nutritional experts, a group populated with too many in-the-moment fashionistas. Suddenly the nutritional universe swerves wildly in the direction of kale. Smoothies turn greener while only sometimes managing to hold on to their deliciousness. Bammm! We discover the Ancient Grains and watch as the market for spelt explodes.

Despite nutritional fashion, though, I think the experts may have something with that water thing. Water’s effects are subtle. I believe I feel more energetic when I drink those extra glasses. I have a little more energy. My body works better.  I don’t eat as much junk because I’m less hungry. My ability to connect with beings in parallel universes becomes stronger.

O.K., water may not offer a portal across dimensions, I’ll admit.  But it’s easy to let water intake slip, especially for people who love caffeinated beverages. Question for today: How might you fit another glass or two of water into your routine?

This is (duhh) Darth Vader in pop-up form. He’s part of a book named Star Wars: A Pop-up Guide to the Galaxy. I love Darth and his fellow pop-ups. But I know that many failed, fractured attempts at the Star Wars universe had to take place before Darth sprang up. So here’s today’s advice:

Be patient and remember the Fail Whale.

Failure is definitely an option and sometimes an absolutely necessity.  My pop-up book had to include fail, fail, fail as Matthew Reinhart tried to make his Imperial Walkers and Millenium Falcon.  So just  keep going, readers. Hugs from the Blue Room.

The DVD is dying, right?  Videos and late fees are nearly ancient history.  Saying that Blockbuster has entered the graveyard of corporate obsolescence does not seem too strong a statement. So abandon hope all ye who try to profit from DVDs?

Yet Redbox intends to open 1,500 kiosks after removing 1,000 last year.  The CEO thinks he has it figured out.  He sees demand at Walmarts, drugstores, and Dollar Stores. He sees expanded potential in video games, giving gamers a chance to try out the new games before they plunk down real dollars. He’s got plans.

In his view, Redbox’s $1.50 price beats the $3.99 and up for streaming. He thinks his customers care about that extra $2.50 and up. I’d say he could well be right.  Somebody has been buying those 10 packs of VCR tapes at Half Price Books. I have former students who are still using their DVRs.

A lot of so-called knowledge is floating around cyberspace right now.  I won’t say it’s fake news. It’s pretty funny that reputable news sources are reporting on fake news that may or may not be their own product. But sorting fake news from sloppy reporting can be next to impossible. Sorting out the validity of unresearched “truths” can be equally challenging.

So I will just wish Redbox guy luck. What he says makes sense to me, especially that part about trying out games. I also believe there’s an element of fun in picking a title out of a Redbox list, fun somehow missing from streaming. When things become too easy, they may also become less special.