I will observe that this is one of the last choices I believe I would make while sleepwalking….

Casino robbery suspect: ‘I was sleepwalking’

Winston A. Riley says he was sleepwalking at the time of the alleged robbery. (Connecticut Department of Corre …A Connecticut man accused of robbing an 81-year-old woman outside a casino at knifepoint says he was sleepwalking and has no memory of the alleged incident.


An attorney for Winston A. Riley says he will enter a “medical defense” for his client, the Norwich Bulletin reports. 27-year-old Riley was arrested back on the morning of March 18 when the elderly woman said he pulled a large knife on her and demanded her purse while the two were riding a parking garage elevator at the Mohegan Sun casino in New London.


Riley claims he was “awakened” by the woman after she fled from the elevator. Attorney Nicholas D’Amato claims to have confirmed with Riley’s family that his client has had problems with sleepwalking since he was a child.


“It is the first time we’ve encountered this,” D’Amato said. “This is a legitimate medical condition.”


However, police claim Riley confessed to the crime after he was arrested, telling them he “just wanted some money.”


D’Amato disputes that claim, pointing out that Riley is a family man with no prior criminal record.


Interestingly, the police report also notes that Riley could not recall why he had allegedly tried to rob the woman and said he became “scared and ran away” after she resisted him.


“I told the judge and prosecutor, ‘Here’s a guy who’s (27), no criminal record, married,'” D’Amato told the Bulletin. “‘Do you honestly think he woke up one morning, drove across the state and decided to rob a woman in a place full of security cameras?’ It doesn’t make sense if you think about it rationally.”

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p5a7s/ and http://chzhistoriclols.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-pictures-history-the-apocalypse.jpg

Picture of a door taken at a favorite con. What do YOU have on YOUR door?

Of course, the really cool thing about omens is that they are in the eye of the beholder. I’m pretty sure the following is an omen. I am still trying to figure out what it means.

Hungry Jack syrup truck spills onto Buttermilk Pike

By Eric Pfeiffer | The Sideshow – 22 hrs ago

A semitrailer of syrup spilled onto Buttermilk Pike. (WCPO)

A highway truck accident never sounded so delicious. A semitrailer hauling Hungry Jack pancake syrup collided with a highway median at the Buttermilk Pike overpass in northern Kentucky, causing the truckload of syrup to spill all over the highway.
“Every lane of southbound I-75 was covered in pancake syrup,” Fort Mitchell Police Officer Mark Spanyer told the Kentucky Enquirer. “It was a royal pain in the butt.”
The semitrailer dumped hundreds of boxes of Hungry Jack syrup bottles.
Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt in the accident, including the driver. Spanyer said the incident occurred on Thursday when the Hungry Jack driver maneuvered to avoid a car on the highway with a blown-out tire. While the driver was able to avoid the car, he then crashed into a median on the Buttermilk Pike overpass.

Zombie Phrase: Do you suppose blind people eat more sausage?

Duhhpzzbuhhndpuhhblll eeell zzahzzjjiha?

NOTE: The significance of this phrase, if translated correctly by the researcher who was tracking this seemingly ordinary conversation, is immense.

If translated correctly, this tells us that zombies are capable of abstract thought. The idea that a zombie is a mindless eating machine is destroyed by this one phrase. What went through this zombie’s head? Was he disgusted by some of the body parts he was eating? Did he then make that link to the idea of sausage, another food source filled with dubious body parts? Did he make a further intuitive leap that visual input was part of his disgust? (If he could not see the nicotine stains, would the lungs be tastier?)

The final sobering consideration: This phrase suggests that zombies are capable both of some version of quantification and of understanding the idea of time. “Less” and “more” are complex ideas requiring a frame of reference. More sausage than what? More sausage than other people? More sausage than the amount of sausage they consumed before they lost their eyesight? More sausage than human victims? (Maybe the blind zombie just hunkers down in any meat section he can find.)

The very idea that zombies can recognize the concept “sausage” ought to give us pause. What is sausage? How do we recognize sausage? This feat is also not so simple as might be first assumed. A vegetarian Morningstar Breakfast link is not sausage. We know this. A hot dog is more debatable and I’d lean to the sausage side on this one. Can turkeys really be made into sausage? Where do we draw the line?

Implied in the above is that at least one zombie was fully prepared to draw that line. Unless he learned about sausage after reanimation — extremely unlikely — the fact that he recollected the nature of sausage is an inescapable conclusion. So much is implied in the above sentence.

Research is needed — and not research into the sausage preferences of blind people. (Although if someone is really, really stuck for a topic for their doctoral research, I suspect the sausage- consumption-of-blind-people topic remains available.)

HIV-positive saliva not a “deadly weapon”: NY court

All my shoes have velcro straps.

Ahhmm juvvullgrohhzz rahhbbpzz.

This can be tough. Naturally you want to let zombie kitty in. But it’s time to shut the back door for good. I recommend against tossing brains out the window. Do that and zombie kitty will be meoanyowling for more, day and night. Remember that zombie kitty does not need to sleep.

There are not enough cows in this town.

Ehhrnnff gahhzznn zownnn.

Did you read the NZLB post? Did the absurdity of that post strike you? Did you see moaning, little boys and girls clutching pencils as they tried to escape from the handcuffs attaching them to their floor-bolted desks?

As the author of this blog, though, I’d like to say that that might be one of the scariest posts I’ve ever written. Under the current law, a parent who had tied up her child in blinkie lights and brought that child to school would absolutely be entitled to put that child in school. Special ed teachers, psychologists and social workers would all create an individual education plan for blinky-light child, filled with accommodations such as extra time on tests, the teacher translating and transcribing answers, a special desk away from the smell of other students, etc. We might create a whole new category of an existing certificate: The Bilingual Certificate for speakers of Zombie.

Don’t be crazy you say? Is this any crazier than handing a seventh grade special education student a 7th grade state achievement test when he can’t read? The student in question wrote “to hare” on his test for all the questions that required writing. When I pointed out the “d” on the end of “hard” he wrote “to hared.”

Why do we all need a zombie infestation plan? The nation that brought us grade-level standardized testing for all students regardless of what they actually know will never be able to handle an actual outbreak. Think about it. These are the same people who are body scanning elderly Norwegian grandmothers at the airport.

P.S. How did that student do? The student failed abysmally, of course, but no one knows that score. The test results never get back to teachers during the actual school year, making those results almost useless. If that same government were addressing an actual zombie outbreak, I’d expect them to issue the first warnings at about the same time that the lights went out in Seattle, Biloxi, New York and Cleveland. They’d probably start doing blood tests and body cavity searches on Norwegian grandmothers, too, in an effort to show they weren’t profiling.

My guess is we’d decline to select candidates for blood tests who actually looked ill on the basis that this violated The Americans with Disabilities Act.

The post before this certainly is not meant to imply that grandmas cannot be zombies. Because we tend to underestimate older women, they are likely to be some of the most effective zombies.

Not enough attempts have been made to actually communicate with the zombie. In particular, those zombies under 18 years of age need to be in school. Why aren’t they in school? I suspect it is the natural fear of their impact on schools’ standardized test scores. Their inability to hold a pencil can only bring down scores.

But since we are now having cognitively delayed students — students who can neither read nor write more than a few words — take these tests, what possible justification can there be for excluding young zombies from the testing pool? None of our schools are making No Child Left Behind targets anyway. The whole damn country is filling out plans for remediation and improvement of our failing schools, plans that we then submit to our state Departments of Education. My personal favorite: My local high school was listed as one of the top 100 in the country. It is also failing to make NCLB targets and is on Academic Warning.

Hell, let’s test the zombies. We really have nothing to lose.