Sharing the World with the Undead

Cats are like sunflower seeds. It’s mostly not worth the work to get to the food.

Gahhrrhhllll zzuhhnnvurr zeezz.Ihzz ohzzlee nuhh uhrrduhh ihhrk duhh guhh duhh vooodh.

Or could this actually be a distant galaxy taken by the Hubble Telescope? A crystal resting on black velvet in Austria? That’s one problem with science as we know it nowadays. When astronomers first discovered that the sun was in the center of the solar system, they were able to present their proofs and fellow scientists were in position to check those findings.

But when we see a picture taken with an electron microscope, we end up taking a lot on faith. Suppose the above paragraph had allegedly been written by James Smith, M.D. How would you know if James Smith existed? I’m sure he does. It would be nightmarish tracking this fellow through cyberspace, I imagine. How do we identify reliable sources of information?

Like the problem of the water fountains (if you go way back in the blog, the technomagic of the times was attacked previously — I may address important topics more than once) this question of reliable information needs to come more front and center in our consciousness. We rely on the internet and televised news, in particular, without always vetting the information coming our way. I’ve strayed into the serious here, which I mostly avoid. But as I listen to the information on Benghazi, I naturally stray to the issue of zombies. If the zombies started to take over downtown Portland, and the government dropped the ball (or simply got blindsided), would you be able to rely on subsequent reports about Portland? What do YOU think?

Do you know how to light a lantern? How to keep one lit? Do you even have a lantern?

A musing inspired by the recent extreme weather on the East Coast: Earlier I made fun of those people who were angry because the ground would not spout gas after the power went out. This has led to some reflection on my part, though. We live in a time of magic. We have grown up in a time of magic, so much so that many of us take our environments for granted. We push a button. Water spouts into a fountain. We push another button. Invisible waves heat our leftovers. We enter a dark room. We flick the switch. We then start moving a little plastic curvy thing around to get to this mysterious thing called Itunes.

Here’s the question for readers: The power goes out. Really out. The zombies have made repairs impossible. What do you do then? Having a generator is obviously a good plan but that generator is only buying time for awhile, keeping the magic alive through another piece of magic called a generator.

How many of the daily devices that populate your life do you actually understand? Obviously it’s not practicable to try to learn how to construct all of the electric/electronic genies that grant our daily wishes, but I would suggest that a little time in the library or bookstore might be a good idea. Too much magic is not necessarily healthy — and it’s all magic until you understand the mechanisms under the surface.

Why are there so many words on this word search?

Wayyyrrzzurrr zzohmnee wuhrrzznn zihhwurr zzurrnghzh?

It’s sad that we never got to see the episode in which the Enterprise traveled back in time to a year not much later than our own(?). What we know from other time travelers: Uhura immediately recognized that large portions of the Earth’s population were speaking zombie. She then convinced Kirk to slingshot further back in time to prevent the apocalypse. No reliable reports are available as to exact details of what happened next, but we can reasonably surmise that Kirk kidnapped the small group of scientists responsible for the Apocalypse Virus, recognizing that their efforts to breed the virus were in violation of the Prime Directive. Or in violation of something anyway. Knowing Kirk as we do, we might guess that he realized that the zombie apocalypse was not the intended fate of mankind, but an unexpected aberration in the time stream, requiring that the Enterprise alter the future which, of course, required the Enterprise alter the past.

Kirk must have been quite busy for awhile. Did it work out? It’s impossible to say. We may be living in a post-Enterprise universe in which Kirk has already taken those misguided scientists away. Or we may be on the wrong side of the timeline, still waiting for the day when Uhura first hears the slurred utterances of our undead companions.

If we didn’t survive the apocalypse, though, how do we even know about the existence of Lieutenant Uhura, the woman who saved humankind?

Time travel’s tricky stuff.

I am pretty sure I can get a job as a proofreader at Yahoo.

Ahhmmm buuhhrdeezzhhuhrr ahhgahguhuh dahhbbzz broorreeddurhdd Yawooh.

Never go near large, blue waste containers. 

There are two possibilities: The man in the blue container thought of this. If so, he’s probably a protozombie and does not have much time left. His friends are most likely in about the same shape. A more intriguing possibility is that his friends decided to use public waste management services to dispose of their former friend. This idea might have some potential if we could find a way to keep the container upright. Could a zombie climb out of a large, blue waste container? Maybe not. If we just made these blue plastic boxes a little taller, we could ensure that no zombie could climb out. Once this zombie knocks the can over, though, he will be able to slither out.

I see an entrepreneurial opportunity for the man or woman who creates the cradles needed to keep the waste containers upright. Other related opportunities include truck incineration systems to insure that no zombies drag themselves out of the garbage truck, since mashing may be inadequate for our purposes. A large market will obviously exist for protective gear for waste management personnel.

Like cars that run on hydrogen, this is an idea whose time has come. Also like those hydrogen cars, this is an idea whose time may go whizzing right by. Just as the hydrogen car stagnates, waiting for hydrogen stations, the zombie waste management system may go undeveloped waiting for zombies.

Will we have the foresight to enter this market in time?