All posts by Jocelyn the Plaid

  Lessons from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: 1) Don’t give up. A Ford Anglia can fly up to your window at any time. Or you can pretend a Ford Anglia has flown up to your window. In fact, you don’t even need the Ford Anglia. First floor window? If you are in good shape,… Read More

This post title comes courtesy of a young man in a plaid shirt and backwards baseball cap that reads, “Give Life to Your Story.”  Definitely a thinning-hair hat. He’s no gansta. He’s sitting with two girls, possibly past their teen years, but not by much. They are deep in gossip about some poor woman who… Read More

As we wait for the zombie apocalypse, which has been very slow in coming, we are bombarded with News. Can we make heads or tails of this stuff? Or piñatas?  I liked Putin’s assertion that the alleged Russian hacking was actually U.S. hackers attempting to frame Russia. Who the hell can prove it? Who the hell… Read More

They come. They go. Sometimes they go very fast and other people go, “What the hell?” Our resilience is being tested by current events. Say to yourself, “Well, at least this is not the zombie apocalypse.” I find that helps. One less FBI director? Comey did have a few dubious moments. He may have cost… Read More

Where are our Martian colonies? Where are the hardy settlers setting up shiny, silver domes and trundling across the sandy, red landscape in their special Marsmobiles? Where are the potatoes, carrots, squashes, turnips, and tomatoes grown in recycled air by brave men and women, a few of whom no doubt will be ready to kill for Whopper® or Dove® bar as the… Read More

How about a border planter box? In the background, Albert is listening to the news. I’m not sure why he wants to do this, but a small group of well-dressed pundits are debating problems with the border wall. How will we pay for the wall? We are beginning to have doubts about our Mexican benefactors,… Read More

A sign that this country’s educational system needs some serious work: The phone menu cannot understand me, so the software passes me to a human at Walgreens. She sounds friendly, if a bit confused.  She does not have an accent. I explain my mission, starting with do we have medications ready to pick up. She is… Read More

Slow disaster created something fun, linked below. At this point, being an aging crone, I’ll violate a cardinal precept of fandom and question a choice of favorites:  Why do people always want to make life tough? Are you Sherlock? Find John Watson. Find someone who will appreciate you for you, who will bring you toast and… Read More

I look out the window at the white, wooden board sitting on the sidewalk outside LePeep Restaurant. In black print, I see specials and blurs that must be prices. I squint. I change angles. I move my multifocal glasses.  I am stopped at a light directly across from that board. Instantly, I realize a large, new problem… Read More

I tried to determine where my “waist” might be located this morning.  Ominous sources tell us that we are doomed to suffer an early demise if our waist runs over thirty-six inches. * Alas, one more peril to manage. I decided to do a threat assessment. But where is my waist? Some sources put this invisible line… Read More