All posts by Jocelyn the Plaid

Let’s take a careful look at some song lyrics of the past: The song is “WALK RIGHT IN” (Cannon / Woods) Gus Cannon’s Jug Stompers – 1927 The Rooftop Singers – 1963 Jimmy Smith – 1963 Jan & Dean – 1963 Also recorded by: Dr. Hook; The Brothers Four; The Ventures; José Feliciano; Trini Lopez;… Read More

Despite all our best efforts, sometimes we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. You go to the Sonic Drive-In just as they run out of corn dogs. You go to the mall on the day they rise. You are resting in the basement, peacefully snoozing, the TV droning in the background, when suddenly you hear gutteral moans and… Read More

Microwaves are very complicated. Mrrrravvv rrrvvvvagggmmblgugged.

Readers are no doubt thinking, “Now wait a minute! I can see the halberds, but nail polish remover? Why?” Why does a dog roll in disgusting piles of compost? Can zombies actually smell brains? The research is not in yet, but it takes only seconds to dump a bottle of acetone over your hair and… Read More

You can’t get to the halberds on the wall. There’s not enough time to make a lasso with the blinky strands of Christmas lights. What to do? Sometimes a muzzle will work. The right, metal magazine rack can be just what you need. Pick up the above and — Whamm!! — stick it right over Mr. Zombie’s head. Many magazine racks fit… Read More

My favorite instrument is the gong. Mahhhvv rreeurr woerpoahzzz guggh.

This lovely young woman is about to go over. The blank, hostile stare of her eyes tells you all you need to know. Because she is a friend of the family, you naturally want to spare her until a cure can be found. That’s where the random, hanging Christmas lights come in. Even zombies can’t eat what… Read More

I have a collection of cell phones. Ahhhhhhhvvv gahlkssuhn zeehll vuumnnn.

Flossing is actually a pretty intricate activity, requiring many small adjustments of muscles in the hands. The likelihood is your average zombie just has to learn to live with the hair stuck in his teeth.   Of more interest is the fact that a Google image search on “hairy teeth” returned about 2,030,000 results (0.24… Read More