All posts by Jocelyn the Plaid

You can’t get to the halberds on the wall. There’s not enough time to make a lasso with the blinky strands of Christmas lights. What to do? Sometimes a muzzle will work. The right, metal magazine rack can be just what you need. Pick up the above and — Whamm!! — stick it right over Mr. Zombie’s head. Many magazine racks fit… Read More

My favorite instrument is the gong. Mahhhvv rreeurr woerpoahzzz guggh.

This lovely young woman is about to go over. The blank, hostile stare of her eyes tells you all you need to know. Because she is a friend of the family, you naturally want to spare her until a cure can be found. That’s where the random, hanging Christmas lights come in. Even zombies can’t eat what… Read More

I have a collection of cell phones. Ahhhhhhhvvv gahlkssuhn zeehll vuumnnn.

Flossing is actually a pretty intricate activity, requiring many small adjustments of muscles in the hands. The likelihood is your average zombie just has to learn to live with the hair stuck in his teeth.   Of more interest is the fact that a Google image search on “hairy teeth” returned about 2,030,000 results (0.24… Read More

They don’t shed. Contrast this with the cat hair everywhere here. I’m not sure what their waste disposal method is exactly, but I’m sure there are no zombie boxes to clean. You do not have to take them for walks or even shuffles. If they could be trained to eat Ol’ Roy — which probably has brain… Read More

Dating by Smell Is the Latest Strange Way to Find Mr. Right You sleep in the same T-shirt for three nights in a row and then you bag the stinky shirt which you later take to a party. People sniff a bunch of smelly shirts and choose the shirt they’d most like to smell for the rest… Read More

159 users liked this comment, 0 users disliked this comment — I laughed. Taken from the same article that warns us not to wash fresh poultry since this will splash germs willy-nilly around the sink: http://shine.yahoo.com/shine-food/beware-meat-myths-150000645.html john • 1 hour 23 minutes ago “Four myths about meat that won’t die” If the animal won’t die, I… Read More

Photo By Ng Han Guan, File Not all zombie hoards shuffle aimlessly — unfortunately.