Sharing the World with the Undead

Electronics need bigger buttons!

Ehhrehhdruhhniguhh ihhddihgrrr uhhdduhns!

The guy on the left is the President of Abercrombie & Fitch, Mike Jeffries. The guy on the right is his cousin.

While we never want to discriminate on looks, the fact is that appearance is probably the easiest way to identify the protozombie once he or she is well on the way to viral amplification. We can’t wait until he starts to look like cuz. So what do you need to watch for?

I’d say Prez looks pretty damn suspicious. Notice his pale coloring and bleached, swollen lips. Notice the hair, the general lack of grooming. He can’t quite handle the gel and comb anymore. The left and right eyes have a slightly confused expression. They don’t match, either, probably because pathways in his brain are scrambled.

Prez set off an internet backlash when he said that “his company markets solely to people they deem ‘attractive.’ His stores do not carry clothes in XL or XXL sizes and women’s pants don’t go above size 10. 
Alarm bells should have gone off when Jeffries said, “In every school there were the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes] and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.” 

I always liked Hannibal Lecter.

Aaahhhhhwayyzz wayyggdd Abuhhhh Ehhggduhhr.

Put your phone down. I hate pictures.

Buhhhdsuhhrr vohnn duhhhn. Ahhhdttd ichhjuhrr.

That $199 zombie protection kit? Don’t do it. In times of crisis, you want the best quality fit to meet your situation.

Make your own. Be creative.  Go to your shelter and  visualize daily life in hiding. What do you need? Mandalas to color?  1000 piece puzzles to put together? You might try shutting off your phone and other electronic devices, and taking a week’s vacation in the shelter. Preparedness may require mandalas and puzzles or other hobbies from bygone times. You want to think this through while you are still relaxed.

Stock the shelter now so you are not running around an almost barren grocery store asking the other lateniks, “Where are the baked beans?” The beans will be gone and besides, you probably never liked baked beans a whole lot in the first place.

Blenders are hard to use but brains are good with ice cream. Sometimes I get lucky and it works. 

A previous post, not far back among posts, though some distance back in time, raises the question of identifying the protozombie before it’s too late.

Can’t. We blew the whole converter assembly. Damn.

What? Oh, no.

Have to stop now. The basement has been compromised.

In any case., zombies seldom wear hats well. At least, not for long.

So you want to identify trouble before it starts? Separate the humans from those on viral overload? One place to start might be table manners. What does your date eat? How does your date eat? If we are talking about a family member, have their table manners changed? These are big clues. Why did the former vegetarian suddenly decide it was OK to eat things that had a face? Why is that steak rare for a change?

Preparedness. Alertness. Because those zombies aren’t going to kill themselves. Besides, it’s pretty interesting to watch some people eat.

Did you know cat tails are edible?

Duuhhduhhnuhh gahhdaiizz urrhhh duhbull?