Sharing the World with the Undead

That $199 zombie protection kit? Don’t do it. In times of crisis, you want the best quality fit to meet your situation.

Make your own. Be creative.  Go to your shelter and  visualize daily life in hiding. What do you need? Mandalas to color?  1000 piece puzzles to put together? You might try shutting off your phone and other electronic devices, and taking a week’s vacation in the shelter. Preparedness may require mandalas and puzzles or other hobbies from bygone times. You want to think this through while you are still relaxed.

Stock the shelter now so you are not running around an almost barren grocery store asking the other lateniks, “Where are the baked beans?” The beans will be gone and besides, you probably never liked baked beans a whole lot in the first place.

Blenders are hard to use but brains are good with ice cream. Sometimes I get lucky and it works. 

A previous post, not far back among posts, though some distance back in time, raises the question of identifying the protozombie before it’s too late.

Can’t. We blew the whole converter assembly. Damn.

What? Oh, no.

Have to stop now. The basement has been compromised.

In any case., zombies seldom wear hats well. At least, not for long.

So you want to identify trouble before it starts? Separate the humans from those on viral overload? One place to start might be table manners. What does your date eat? How does your date eat? If we are talking about a family member, have their table manners changed? These are big clues. Why did the former vegetarian suddenly decide it was OK to eat things that had a face? Why is that steak rare for a change?

Preparedness. Alertness. Because those zombies aren’t going to kill themselves. Besides, it’s pretty interesting to watch some people eat.

Did you know cat tails are edible?

Duuhhduhhnuhh gahhdaiizz urrhhh duhbull?

I am waiting for the picture of something that might once have been a potato. Or might have been something else. How do we tell the enemy from a strange, hairy guy on the street? How do we know if the horrific smell from the cupboard is a potato, maybe a potato infested by mystery microbes, but still at the heart of things a potato? When does a potato cease to be a potato? When it ceases to be edible? When it ceases to resemble a potato? Does it remain a potato even when it has become unrecognizable by any of the standard potato tests?

While we are attacking the big questions, we need to think about this one: At what point does a man cease to be man and become a zombie instead? Clearly, we are expecting some sort of transitional phase in the zombification process. How will we know when that phase has ended? Most men are far more complex than potatoes and an edibility test will never fully meet our needs.

What kind of test should we devise?

A Cheesburger pic that asks a couple of fine questions for our times. Do you want in? Are you where you want to be? What side do you think the zombies are on? Have you managed to put a door between yourself and your pursuers? If not, what’s stopping you?

Forget the zombies for a minute. Let’s approach this from a more general point of view. Let’s ask ourselves about the parts of our lives that we don’t particularly like. Is your foot wedged in the door? Which direction are you trying to go? When confronting zombies or just unpleasant aspects of our lives, your best strategy may be to run away. It only works well if you get yourself to the right side of the door, though.

Humans taste like chicken.

Here’s an idea: Why not put all the chargers away for two weeks. See what happens. See how it feels. I am sure that one reason why so few of us are ready for life without power is that we are never without power. If you’ve never been hungry, you may feel no need to keep the house stocked with food. Always assuming the world will provide for our needs because it always has … well, the Doomsday Clock is sitting at 5 minutes to midnight. Assumptions are not our friends.

I prefer country music. I can still understand the lyrics.

Ahhhbbuuhr guhndreemm uhhzzihk. Ahgguhhn ihll unnerdanduh lihrggzz.