I plan to eat Justin Bieber on principal.
Ahhblnn eeed uzzduhn beeuhbuhrnn brihnzbuhl.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
Cardio may be old news but…
One of the most important things we do in life is figuring out what matters: We have to sort out what matters a lot, what matters some, what matters a little, and what really does not matter at all. As the eminent sage Eminem noted, you got one shot and you better not blow it. Cardio matters a lot.
In the end, the best laid plans can be thwarted by the simple inability to run. Keep in mind that even Powerscooters will be of little use during the Apocalypse. If the electricity is out, you won’t be able to charge your Powerscooter. Powerscooter or no, the zombie won’t give up. He’ll keep coming after you. Will you be able to keep running?
Zombie Phrase for the Day
School has started. If only I could think.
Szkuhlz ahhrduhd. Fohnlee ahkuhd dihnk.
Dressing for the Apocalypse or the Prom
These handsome outfits are not as poor a choice as they might appear. Ideally clothing should be difficult for teeth to penetrate. Leather or metal is preferred. In the absence of leather chaps or chain mail, though, the key is to keep teeth away. Getting through voluminous petticoats is not easy.
The downside to this clothing does need to be considered. It’s easy to grab. There’s a lot of cloth for fumbling fingers to grasp. Still, these dresses beat jeans and a loose top any day.
The truth is that America is unprepared to dress for the apocalypse. We have the technology to build impenetrable clothing. Where is this clothing? I will suggest this as an entrepreneurial opportunity awaiting the right person.
Do not hide in chimneys!
Going down the chimney did not work for this cat and rat. Similar strategies are unlikely to work for anyone.
Fleeing zombies is a lot like driving on the expressway. There is probably only one critical rule for safe driving: Always leave yourself a way out.
In case of an actual outbreak, don’t get so excited by the fun of wiping out zombies that you forget to make a mental note of all the exits.
Back from Edinburgh and Dublin — Castles!
Bunkers may serve our needs, but there’s a lot to be said for the garden variety castle, situated on the high ground with a spiffy gate to bar any moaning shufflers. I spent the last two weeks in so many easily defended stone buildings. Edinburgh castle has never been taken by direct force in over half a millenium, only by stealth, trickery and siege. Since zombies suck at stealth and trickery, locations like Edinburgh Castle could prove the perfect outbreak retreats, assuming the siege problem could be addressed — that is, assuming defenders laid in enough food and supplies to wait out the apocalypse if the undead made provisioning impossible.
(In the real world, the above cannon is pretty useless for the average zombie outbreak. I just like the picture. Unfortunately, it’s hard as hell to shoot somebody in the head with a cannon ball.)
A Classic Shot and a Bit of History
Our fascination with the undead has a long history. Horror films are not a recent creation. Vampires were creatures of the silent films in the 1920s. Zombies are a slightly different story. White Zombie was a 1932 film produced and directed by brothers Victor and Edward Halperin. Bela Lugosi stars as Murder Legendre, an evil voodoo master who turns a young woman into the first screen zombie. With his death, she reverts to normal in a happily-ever-after ending. The first modern zombies appeared in George Romero‘s 1969 movie, ”The Night of the Living Dead.”
George Romero is to zombies as Isaac Asimov is to rules for robots. Romero created the zombies we know and love. He is the reason why so few zombies are able to run upstairs.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
I personally doubt that Abraham Lincoln could fight a vampire on top of a rapidly moving train.
Ahhbbburrzz Eeeddd Owwt ahht Abbaahm Ihnnguhhn guhhd vaiidd ah bahhmburh dahb vah raahbblee moohvihn draih.
Creating the Right Zombies
The problem with airborne viruses is that everybody who dies can potentially reanimate. I honestly don’t know how you beat those numbers.
We need the government to create a virus or bacteria (preferably) that can only be spread by some fluid exchange such as a bite. That should keep the infection rate down at a manageable level.
Are you really bored today? Why not write a letter to your congressman expressing this concern? Tell him or her that the people in charge of the Zombie Apocalypse Project need to make sure infection vectors will not result in an unmanageable problem. Consider throwing in some math.
If you are really, really bored, send copies to the employees of various Departments of Education. They can use the distraction. The less they work, the better for all of us.
All the Best People Are
