Back from Edinburgh and Dublin — Castles!

Bunkers may serve our needs, but there’s a lot to be said for the garden variety castle, situated on the high ground with a spiffy gate to bar any moaning shufflers. I spent the last two weeks in so many easily defended stone buildings. Edinburgh castle has never been taken by direct force in over half a millenium, only by stealth, trickery and siege. Since zombies suck at stealth and trickery, locations like Edinburgh Castle could prove the perfect outbreak retreats, assuming the siege problem could be addressed — that is, assuming defenders laid in enough food and supplies to wait out the apocalypse if the undead made provisioning impossible.
(In the real world, the above cannon is pretty useless for the average zombie outbreak. I just like the picture. Unfortunately, it’s hard as hell to shoot somebody in the head with a cannon ball.)

A Classic Shot and a Bit of History

Our fascination with the undead has a long history. Horror films are not a recent creation. Vampires were creatures of the silent films in the 1920s. Zombies are a slightly different story. White Zombie was a 1932 film produced and directed by brothers Victor and Edward Halperin. Bela Lugosi stars as Murder Legendre, an evil voodoo master who turns a young woman into the first screen zombie. With his death, she reverts to normal in a happily-ever-after ending. The first modern zombies  appeared in George Romero‘s 1969 movie, ”The Night of the Living Dead.”
George Romero is to zombies as Isaac Asimov is to rules for robots. Romero created the zombies we know and love. He is the reason why so few zombies are able to run upstairs.

Creating the Right Zombies

The problem with airborne viruses is that everybody who dies can potentially reanimate. I honestly don’t know how you beat those numbers.

We need the government to create a virus or bacteria (preferably) that can only be spread by some fluid exchange such as a bite. That should keep the infection rate down at a manageable level.

Are you really bored today? Why not write a letter to your congressman expressing this concern? Tell him or her that the people in charge of the Zombie Apocalypse Project need to make sure infection vectors will not result in an unmanageable problem. Consider throwing in some math.

If you are really, really bored, send copies to the employees of various Departments of Education. They can use the distraction. The less they work, the better for all of us.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Just a thought: What was that red on Rudolph’s nose? Was Rudolph one of the first zombie reindeer? Are there others? Has Sandy Claws actually tamed zombie wildlife? We need to mount an expedition to find the man. He knows the answers to questions that may affect the entire population of Finland.

Deer are almost everywhere, in fact, except Antartica. Sandy Claws must be found before it is too late.
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