Careful! This zombie is using dragons, Jedi Knights and other stuffies for camouflage. You might not notice Zombie Kitty until it is too late.
Zombie Kitty in Hiding
Sleeping or Reanimating? There is NO Way to Know!
The problem is simple. The recently deceased usually look as if they are sleeping. This woman may be seconds away from zombiehood. What to do?
One technique is to yell loudly. Stand near the door, ready to run, and shout: “HEY, ARE YOU AWAKE?”
If this poor woman is dead, she will most likely not respond.
If she is not dead, she should come to consciousness quickly. Then make sure that she still has all her faculties. Immediately yell the following: “WHAT’S YOUR NAME?” The response should be nearly instantaneous.
A name is not enough, however. Remember the little zombie girl in The Walking Dead as she picked up her teddy bear. One of the last things this woman will forget is probably her name. You need questions that will take her by surprise.
“WHAT’S YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?”
“WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT BEFORE EISENHOWER?”
“HOW MUCH DOES LETTUCE COST?”
Keep in mind that the current state of American education may interfere with her answers. Don’t shoot anyone just because they have no idea who Eisenhower was, for example. Just keep shouting random questions until you are sure that you are dealing with a simple example of napping, and nothing more sinister.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
I tried to read “The DaVinci Code” but the print was too small.
Ahhtt ruhhddahhrruhduhhbuhnnjahggudd buhhddburryhnnddd oohzzmmll.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
I tried to read “The DaVinci Code” but the print was too small.
Ahhtt ruhhddahhrruhduhhbuhnnjahggudd buhhddburryhnnddd oohzzmmll.
Protozombie in Action?
I will observe that this is one of the last choices I believe I would make while sleepwalking….
Casino robbery suspect: ‘I was sleepwalking’
Winston A. Riley says he was sleepwalking at the time of the alleged robbery. (Connecticut Department of Corre …A Connecticut man accused of robbing an 81-year-old woman outside a casino at knifepoint says he was sleepwalking and has no memory of the alleged incident.
An attorney for Winston A. Riley says he will enter a “medical defense” for his client, the Norwich Bulletin reports. 27-year-old Riley was arrested back on the morning of March 18 when the elderly woman said he pulled a large knife on her and demanded her purse while the two were riding a parking garage elevator at the Mohegan Sun casino in New London.
Riley claims he was “awakened” by the woman after she fled from the elevator. Attorney Nicholas D’Amato claims to have confirmed with Riley’s family that his client has had problems with sleepwalking since he was a child.
“It is the first time we’ve encountered this,” D’Amato said. “This is a legitimate medical condition.”
However, police claim Riley confessed to the crime after he was arrested, telling them he “just wanted some money.”
D’Amato disputes that claim, pointing out that Riley is a family man with no prior criminal record.
Interestingly, the police report also notes that Riley could not recall why he had allegedly tried to rob the woman and said he became “scared and ran away” after she resisted him.
“I told the judge and prosecutor, ‘Here’s a guy who’s (27), no criminal record, married,'” D’Amato told the Bulletin. “‘Do you honestly think he woke up one morning, drove across the state and decided to rob a woman in a place full of security cameras?’ It doesn’t make sense if you think about it rationally.”
Don’t Let Important Omens Slip Past YOU
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p5a7s/ and http://chzhistoriclols.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-pictures-history-the-apocalypse.jpg
Picture of a door taken at a favorite con. What do YOU have on YOUR door?
Of course, the really cool thing about omens is that they are in the eye of the beholder. I’m pretty sure the following is an omen. I am still trying to figure out what it means.
A semitrailer of syrup spilled onto Buttermilk Pike. (WCPO)A highway truck accident never sounded so delicious. A semitrailer hauling Hungry Jack pancake syrup collided with a highway median at the Buttermilk Pike overpass in northern Kentucky, causing the truckload of syrup to spill all over the highway.
“Every lane of southbound I-75 was covered in pancake syrup,” Fort Mitchell Police Officer Mark Spanyer told the Kentucky Enquirer. “It was a royal pain in the butt.”
The semitrailer dumped hundreds of boxes of Hungry Jack syrup bottles.
Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt in the accident, including the driver. Spanyer said the incident occurred on Thursday when the Hungry Jack driver maneuvered to avoid a car on the highway with a blown-out tire. While the driver was able to avoid the car, he then crashed into a median on the Buttermilk Pike overpass.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
Zombie Phrase: Do you suppose blind people eat more sausage?
Duhhpzzbuhhndpuhhblll eeell zzahzzjjiha?
NOTE: The significance of this phrase, if translated correctly by the researcher who was tracking this seemingly ordinary conversation, is immense.
If translated correctly, this tells us that zombies are capable of abstract thought. The idea that a zombie is a mindless eating machine is destroyed by this one phrase. What went through this zombie’s head? Was he disgusted by some of the body parts he was eating? Did he then make that link to the idea of sausage, another food source filled with dubious body parts? Did he make a further intuitive leap that visual input was part of his disgust? (If he could not see the nicotine stains, would the lungs be tastier?)
The final sobering consideration: This phrase suggests that zombies are capable both of some version of quantification and of understanding the idea of time. “Less” and “more” are complex ideas requiring a frame of reference. More sausage than what? More sausage than other people? More sausage than the amount of sausage they consumed before they lost their eyesight? More sausage than human victims? (Maybe the blind zombie just hunkers down in any meat section he can find.)
The very idea that zombies can recognize the concept “sausage” ought to give us pause. What is sausage? How do we recognize sausage? This feat is also not so simple as might be first assumed. A vegetarian Morningstar Breakfast link is not sausage. We know this. A hot dog is more debatable and I’d lean to the sausage side on this one. Can turkeys really be made into sausage? Where do we draw the line?
Implied in the above is that at least one zombie was fully prepared to draw that line. Unless he learned about sausage after reanimation — extremely unlikely — the fact that he recollected the nature of sausage is an inescapable conclusion. So much is implied in the above sentence.
Research is needed — and not research into the sausage preferences of blind people. (Although if someone is really, really stuck for a topic for their doctoral research, I suspect the sausage- consumption-of-blind-people topic remains available.)
HIV-positive saliva not a “deadly weapon”: NY court
Reuters
Jun. 07, 2012 1:29PM PDT
Jun. 07, 2012 1:29PM PDT
ALBANY, New York (Reuters) – An HIV-positive man who admitted to biting a police officer attempting to arrest him had his aggravated assault conviction overturned on Thursday by New York’s top court, which ruled the man’s saliva did not qualify as a deadly weapon.
The Court of Appeals, in throwing out the conviction of David Plunkett, ruled that body parts, saliva or anything that “comes with” a person cannot be considered deadly weapons under state law. In New York, aggravated assault requires the use of a “deadly weapon or dangerous instrument.”
In 2006 the staff at a medical clinic in Ilion, about 70 miles east of Syracuse, called police to complain that Plunkett, a patient at the clinic, was causing a disturbance. Police said Plunkett, who had a history of mental illness, punched and bit one of the responding officers, according to court documents.
Ummm.. intending to keep this a mostly light-hearted zombie blog, I hesitated to include this little piece, but it heavily supports my contention that the existing power structure will not be able to help us in an undead situation. Here we have legal precedent establishing that biting someone while infected will not qualify as use of deadly force.
The Court of Appeals, in throwing out the conviction of David Plunkett, ruled that body parts, saliva or anything that “comes with” a person cannot be considered deadly weapons under state law. In New York, aggravated assault requires the use of a “deadly weapon or dangerous instrument.”
In 2006 the staff at a medical clinic in Ilion, about 70 miles east of Syracuse, called police to complain that Plunkett, a patient at the clinic, was causing a disturbance. Police said Plunkett, who had a history of mental illness, punched and bit one of the responding officers, according to court documents.
Ummm.. intending to keep this a mostly light-hearted zombie blog, I hesitated to include this little piece, but it heavily supports my contention that the existing power structure will not be able to help us in an undead situation. Here we have legal precedent establishing that biting someone while infected will not qualify as use of deadly force.
Since zombies are unlikely to brandish actual weapons, we can assume they will never be guilty of aggravated assault no matter what their intentions. This guy deliberately bit the officer, too.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
All my shoes have velcro straps.
Ahhmm juvvullgrohhzz rahhbbpzz.
Zombie Kitties Need to Stay Outdoors
This can be tough. Naturally you want to let zombie kitty in. But it’s time to shut the back door for good. I recommend against tossing brains out the window. Do that and zombie kitty will be meoanyowling for more, day and night. Remember that zombie kitty does not need to sleep.
