Asgard is a real place you know.
ZZggubhbrz uhrl plahzzuh nuhhgg.
Zombie Recognition Dilemma
Is he or isn’t he? If his hairdresser knew for sure, he probably ate his hairdresser so that’s one test we can’t use.
I say he’s not. If he was a zombie, he would have no need to avoid the water. The undead can’t drown and they are not temperature sensitive. So his hairdresser is probably safe along with the bartender and his buddies at the party.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
I have a collection of cell phones.
Ahhhhhhhvvv gahlkssuhn zeehll vuumnnn.
Zombie Dogs
These two fellows are owned by a hockey player, Karl Alzner. In her excellent book “Feed” — a strongly recommended read for fans of zombie fic — Mira Grant creates a universe where animals over a certain weight can convert into zombies. I’d say the small guy here is looking pretty suspicious, though, no matter how much he weighs. Notice the expressions of contentment. Are these normal dogs? A normal dog should be hiding under the table in shame. Unless this is how Alzner’s house usually looks and he’s trying to blame the dogs, I’d say watch out for these two. Obviously you need to steer clear of Alzner as well.
Zen and Zombies
We can start with a simple observation: No one meditates better than a zombie. While occasional flashes of tasty brain matter may intrude into the zombie consciousness, for the most part a zombie lives entirely in the present.
Disclaimer: This post in no way advocates zombiehood as a shortcut to Enlightenment.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
I often get lost on my way to the mall.
Ahhh ahhenn gae elllzzz ahn ahh eejhhhght mmmmubhl.
Can Zombies Floss?
Flossing is actually a pretty intricate activity, requiring many small adjustments of muscles in the hands. The likelihood is your average zombie just has to learn to live with the hair stuck in his teeth.
Of more interest is the fact that a Google image search on “hairy teeth” returned about 2,030,000 results (0.24 seconds). I created the above by adapting a portion of an image in Paint.
Giant Shrimp Invasion
“U.S. Battling Giant Shrimp Invasion” the Yahoo title says. The link leads to “Cannibal shrimp: The invasion has begun.” One problem with preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse: If we are too preoccupied with the zombie hordes, those giant shrimp might slip right past us.
Giant shrimp in the neighborhood? Don’t trust them to eat each other. We have to eat them first. I recommend giant sushi logs, the ultimate Godzilla rolls. Our weapons of choice? Flame throwers and wasabi mustard.
The best enemy is an edible enemy, your zombie opponent would say, and in this case Mr. Zombie might be right.
Zombie Phrase for the Day
Lord Voldemort was a pussy!
LAaahhh Ahhrmmmm aa a Haa guuHHHweeee!
Zombie Recognition
Some zombies are easy to recognize, of course. By the time they reach the drooling stage with flecks of flesh and blood spattered across their hoodie — well, I hope you don’t need me to warn you to stay out of the way of Oozy Hoodie Zombie.
But before the final transition, a zombie may look nearly human. How do you recognize these protozombies? There ARE clues. Notice what Metta World Peace is wearing on what appears to be public television. Zombies begin getting loose on details as they transition. Want a new name? I know! I’ll call myself Metta World Peace. That’s just so much cooler than Ron Artest.
Protozombies are also clumsy. Wham! That elbow just goes flying. Being loose on details, Metta then tries to explain that he knocked that poor fellow to the floor by accident. Beware of Metta World Peace. I’d watch out for anyone who believes his story, too.
